Single, Celibate and Pregnant
I never thought that I would be writing publicly about my sex life, or lack thereof, but ever since I launched Waiting in Heels, I have felt compelled to share what this season of my life has been about as well as why I have decided to wait on God’s best for me.
Wait (verb)
to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something
-Merriam-Webster
My previous blogs have dealt with knowing your purpose, healing from brokenness, knowing who you are, and worshipping instead of worrying. That may sound like a random variety of topics, but the underlying theme in all of them has been the issue of waiting. So far I’ve covered waiting in the emotional, mental and spiritual sense, but today I want to talk about waiting in the physical sense.
Waiting in Celibacy
As I step out in faith to intentionally live a life of celibacy, I now understand that my purpose for waiting is not to control but to observe. Observation requires a clear head, a pure heart, a keen eye and a sensitive ear. It’s amazing what you can learn about people when you carefully observe and apply biblical wisdom in your interactions with them. In my own relationships, I’m no longer anticipating the act of sex, but I’m more interested in uncovering the heart of people that I date.
Sex outside of marriage can have many detrimental repercussions. Sometimes the desire for it can speak louder in your heart than what God is whispering to your spirit. Your inner dialogue may sound something like, He isn’t the one, but he is my meantime or I’m just going to ignore the blaring red signs because I don’t want to be alone. Sex outside of marriage can also cause us to settle as we give our hearts over to someone that God has not equipped to hold such a precious gift. In relationships like this, we often compromise our identity and self-worth, ending up broken and the carriers of soul-ties.
God told me a while back, “You are not common.” Not offended at all by that Rhema word, I discovered that if I want to go where God wants to take me, I must align my will with His. I need to trust that His plans for me are far better than anything I could ever imagine for myself. In order to do that, I could no longer simply take from the Bible the parts that were easy and nice and simple while neglecting the parts that required sacrifice.
Celibacy requires patience and risk; both come at a price that many do not want to pay, but I believe the reward is greater than the sacrifice. Being celibate has also helped me to discern disingenuous hearts robed in well-tailored suits. Not everything that glitters, even in the church of God, is gold. Discernment is truly the number one weapon that the Holy Spirit has given us to help us navigate the sea of potentials to eventually being found by the right one.
“As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister”
-1st Thessalonians 4: 1-6 (NIV)
Pregnant with Purpose
I may be celibate, but I am pregnant with purpose. Waiting with expectancy requires patience and preparation. I’m carrying life and possibilities in me, not merely because I’ve decided to be celibate but because I’m seeking God above all else, putting Him first and trusting Him to write my love story.
What’s miraculous about being pregnant spiritually is that walking in your purpose will ultimately push you into alignment with where God needs and wants you to be. I’ve done it my way before, but I’m finally at a stage in my life where I am resting in peace and content in my relationship with God, letting Him lead and prepare me for His plans in my life.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Enjoy the Journey
DeVon and Meagan Good recently released a book called The Wait, which talks about their reasons for remaining celibate as they courted, the lessons they learned about themselves individually and collectively, and the benefits they have found in their decision to abstain from sex until marriage. There is always a risk that the person you date/court may not be the one, and that’s okay. God is on this journey with us. The important thing as you date, and for life in general, is to learn the difference between relationships that are lessons and relationships that are meant to last.
Know your “reds”, as Debra Fileta would say. We dream of what we want but spend less time understanding our deal-breakers. Pay attention to those “reds,” because they are an indication to proceed cautiously or to walk away altogether. Be realistic about who you are and where you are; don’t expect from someone else what you are not already exhibiting or working to become.
Celibacy is not a death sentence or God taking the fun out of intimacy (smile). Actually, it’s totally opposite. God created sex! But He created it within the covenant relationship of marriage to be enjoyed. Being single, celibate and pregnant has given me insight into who I am as God’s daughter and strengthened my faith walk, my purpose and my contentment with Him.
No, it’s not easy. The devil loves to whisper lies, plant seeds of discouragement and present road-blocks to deter us from our doggedness to walk this life with God leading each step, but I’m often amazed at how much I’ve grown. A new resolve to close doors that were not meant for me to walk through has risen within me, and I have a newfound clarity of purpose. God’s word gives me encouragement when I’m down, and surrounding myself with friends and doing what I love through the Waiting in Heels ministry has been worth it. This is becoming one of the best seasons of my life, and I’m excited about where God is going to take me next.
As with all of my previous blogs, I will leave you with a writing/journal activity to do on your own time. Journaling has torn down walls in my life and allowed God the space to direct my steps. A lot of the questions I post here were the same areas that I had to learn to let God be God. There are also recommendations (not endorsements) on books that I’ve read that have helped me during this season of singleness.
Know that God loves you and me, and there is nothing we can do about it! The best is yet to come!
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
If you could go back to your younger self, what are some life lessons that you would impart about dating, sex and celibacy?
In what areas of your life have you allowed God to direct you in this season of singleness? What are some growth areas that still remain a challenge? Why?
Being single, celibate and carrying purpose is not always an easy road. What are some areas in your life that God is challenging you to live His way? What are those challenges revealing about your character and your faith in Christ?
Recommendations:
Books:
“The Wait” by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good
“Waiting and Dating” by Myles Munroe
Devotional:
“The Open Window” by Catherine Galasso-Vigorito (If you haven’t read this one from my previous blog post, please consider reading this devotional. It was and still is a blessing to me)
Daughters of the King (online devotional: (http://www.dot-k.com/)