5 Dating Habits We Can Learn From Watching The Tinder Swindler
Dating has drastically changed over the last two years. If pursuing a partner was an obstacle course to navigate pre-COVID, then dating during COVID became a minefield with men and women learning the many pitfalls of navigating the online dating space.
Add in your own struggles with confidence, self-love, or brokenness, and finding love in 2022 can feel like an uphill battle better left uncharted.
And of course the new Netflix Documentary, The Tinder Swindler, which is gaining popularity at this time, did not make things any better.
First of all, What Is the Tinder Swindler?
In case you haven’t seen this new whirlwind and dumpster fire of a romance disaster currently trending on Netflix, I’ll break it down for you.
Our Prince Charming known as Simon Leviev on a good day is really conman Shimon Hayut, who claims to be the heir to an Israeli billionaire diamond magnate family. Simon operates a social media-based Ponzi Scheme, preying on women he meets on the popular dating app, Tinder.
Simon tricks his victims into falling in love with him and his made-up extravagant lifestyle. He successfully executes credit card fraud and forgery under the pretense of love and romance, using the financial support from one woman to woo and win the heart of several, unsuspecting victims all living in various countries.
It’s a flurry of diamonds, money, private jets, and the captivating lifestyle of a prince that the Tinder Swindler most definitely was not.
Simon Leviev/ Shimon Hayut teaches us some very valuable lessons that we aren’t about to forget any time soon
Let’s just say good looks, money, and talks of a successful business should not be the only reason you swipe right on someone in a dating app. Never forget that this person is still a stranger, and it’s your job to use discernment to help guide you in determining what is true and what is not.
In making that one decision to swipe right, three women had their lives turned upside down. Instead of finding the love that they dreamed of, they each found themselves in an unforgettable nightmare.
The love that they quickly fell for was later discovered to be an elaborate ruse concocted by an international conman!
All three women were swindled out of thousands of dollars, left stranded in terrible debt, and forced to change their way of life.
Lesson learned, don’t loan thousands of dollars to someone you just met online.
The aftermath of the Netflix-Documentary
For many of us, we’ll never come across a Simon Leviev, but the dating struggle is still real, and these questions still remain:
1. How do we date intentionally in 2022?
2. How do we guard our hearts while simultaneously staying open to the possibility of love?
3. How far along in our healing journey do we need to be in order to feel ready or worthy of love?
If we are to date intentionally, we must shift our perspective to safeguard our own healing and growth. Not everyone we meet online (Tinder, Instagram, or otherwise) is worthy of our time and heart.
That being said, healing and healthy relationships are possible, sometimes even simultaneously. So, if you’ve been hesitant to test the waters until you’re 100% healed, this blog post is your sign to reconsider.
Here are five important dating habits to consider in 2022:
1. Don’t be so busy liking the person that you don’t qualify the person.
Dating is about gathering information, and that takes time. Relationships can’t survive on just infatuation; there has to be substance. The reason the Tinder Swindler was as successful as he was had nothing to do with the fact that he used social media or dating apps like Tinder.
When we get swept up in the whirlwind of emotions, it can cloud our judgment. Instead of asking probing questions, assessing responses, doing research, and establishing clear boundaries, infatuation will cause us to ignore red flags. Be intentional with taking the time to actually get to know someone instead of falling head over heels for the romanticized idea of that person.
2. Wait to have sex.
Abstinence isn’t about winning the man and being guaranteed the title of wife; it’s about being emotionally and spiritually astute to what you are experiencing without the emotional attachment sex can bring, which oftentimes clouds our judgment.
Abstinence is a gift from God that helps us develop the internal muscle of self-control. God wants us to make clear decisions without the influence of sex.
3. Understand that healing takes work.
While it makes sense to take time off from dating after a breakup, many of us are guilty of running away from dating altogether. We swear off men and love when really what’s required is time to reflect, learn from our mistakes and make the necessary changes in preparation for the next time. Sometimes, heartache may take longer to heal but healing is a process, not a destination.
And here’s the truth no one wants to tell you: time does not magically heal all wounds. That’s why it’s important to do the work!
Some of us have suffered tremendous loss, been abused, or neglected - all of which may hold us stuck and unable to emotionally move forward. When it comes to things that wound our souls in this way, many times it’s important to seek counseling to help with identifying better coping skills, along with identifying our triggers, as well as learning new ways to respond to what still affects us. It is much more realistic for us to pursue progress over perfection and understand that life is to be lived, even as you wait and heal.
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord…”
4. Treat it as an opportunity to build relational skills.
Not everyone you date will be your husband, but they could each teach you something useful. One person could teach you to accurately read body language and verbally assert yourself, while another may teach you how to spot signs of spiritual incompatibility.
Along the way, you even get to clearly determine the type of person you are waiting for, all the way down to their age, mindset, and financial situation.
Ultimately, this collection of information will help you sharpen your own inner navigation system for choosing a compatible partner while developing an awareness of the type of behaviors that don’t align with who you are.
5. Don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries.
Whether you meet your potential person on Tinder, some other dating app, or in real life, setting, expressing, and maintaining clear and unwavering boundaries can save you a lot of heartaches.
Yes, some factions of society may be a bit snooty to women with standards and boundaries that even remotely hint at self-respect, self-love, and a sense of worth. Women can be seen as being “too much” for communicating our boundaries and respectfully asking for what we want. And that is ok. Remember your boundaries are to help teach others what your safety parameters are. People may be uncomfortable at first, but those who are meant to be in your life will honor them.
Setting clear boundaries could have helped Ayleen, Cecilie, Pernilla, or any of the other countless victims of the Tinder Swindler. Simon would have had no choice but to move on to someone else with unclear defined boundaries.
What happened to those women was awful, and I am not victim-blaming here, and at some point, we all have to step up and be accountable for our decisions. Knowing what we know now as a result of their willingness to share their unfortunate experience, we should not hesitate to communicate our boundaries when the need arises.
Bonus Tip: don’t ignore the red flags.
When you listen to the women in the documentary, it becomes obvious that while they could not have known the extent of his deception, Simon was waving red flags at different junctures of their relationship. Don’t ignore the red flags! Our discernment is a gift from God for a reason.
Final Thoughts
Dating should be fun. However, as we move through the dating process to a more serious and intentional courtship, having fun should also be coupled with wisdom. Ladies, suffering is not a dating badge of honor. How we have managed to turn dating into the trial by fire that many of us experience is a direct result of us ignoring the Holy Spirit that is within each and every one of us. It never hurts to seek God first and to take the time needed to get to know the person that is sitting right in front of us.
In the end, what Simon Leviev/Shimon Hayut teaches us are the importance of patience, communication, boundaries, and seeing deeply with our spiritual eyes. True discernment and wisdom are gifts of the spirit, so there can be no dating without the presence of the spirit. Where the spirit is absent, evil will definitely prevail.
As always, do not hesitate to email with questions and/or prayer requests to info@waitinginheels.com.
Stay blessed and fabulous!
Danisha
About the Author
A native of Brooklyn, NY, by way of Panama and Jamaica, Danisha is a teacher, blogger, speaker and healing coach. She is currently obtaining her masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and is writing her first book. Danisha founded Waiting in Heels as a way to teach single women how to grow in self-love and do the healing work needed to live a purposeful and abundant life before marriage. You can follow Danisha via her website www.waitinginheels.com and on IG and FB @waitinginheels.
She can also be contacted for speaking engagements, questions, or prayer requests at info@waitinginheels.com.