"To My Sister in Waiting" by Mrs. Barbara Nwaehi
As I take a flight to attend a friend’s baby shower, I am reminded of my single days, when I was a frequent guest at various baby showers, wedding showers, bachelorette parties, wedding dress rehearsals, engagement parties, bridal showers, kids’ birthday parties, gender reveal parties, and “yes to the dress” mingles. The events were endless back then. Wow, time flies. My back then has now become five years ago.
I remember consistently being asked by fellow event goers, “When will it be your turn?” or “Are you next?” and my personal favorite, “What are you waiting for?” to which I would respectfully smile and move on. Honestly speaking, those were the only times that I realized or even felt like I was single. Apart from those inquiries, I hadn’t realized I was waiting at all.
I had been a part of an intimate sister circle of five, and within a two year span, they had all gotten married. We found ourselves planning baby showers, wedding rehearsals, and attending weddings within months of each other. And yet, while I was technically waiting, I didn’t feel the “wait”. I was too busy actively participating in all of my friends’ events with a sense of eagerness and excitement that sometimes even surpassed that of the guest of honor.
Through that period of my life I learned that the wait is not that detrimental, if you focus on celebrating those around you. Don’t get me wrong! It’s not like I didn’t want to get married and have children one day. It had been a dream of mine, but it just wasn’t at the forefront of my life. Because I had chosen not to allow the “wait” to stop me from living, from exploring, or from dating myself, I learned a lot about myself. I learned what my likes and dislikes are. I learned the things that made me happy. I forged excellent friendships, and my intimate sister circle expanded to nine. My group was now composed of divorced, separated, and single moms, which opened my world to many new and different perspectives.
As I dated myself, I made an enlightening discovery. I was actually a pretty good date. During that season of my life, I dined, vacationed, picnicked, joined mission groups, got involved in ministry, and grew closer to God. Even though I had started accruing closets full of bridesmaid dresses, I enjoyed every moment and every adventure, as I witnessed my sisters find their true loves.
It was during one of these adventures, while celebrating my girlfriend’s birthday in Barcelona, that my husband met his “lost rib”, and I met the person whose rib I had carried for 35 years. He was just as I had always imagined him to be – this tall, dark, muscular, God-fearing, gentle giant of a man with great teeth and broad shoulders. As we got to know each other, we discovered that his life story and journeys mirrored mine, among other things. Long story short – well, not that long considering we were engaged and married within six months of having met – five years and two children later, I have never regretted going on that trip. I could’ve stayed home upset, depressed, and bitter about my “wait”, but I would’ve missed out on the love of my life.
I’m glad that I had my “wait” time. It gave me a chance to get to know and enjoy myself. It enabled me to not lose my identity in the whirlwind of marriage and motherhood, two roles that require total selflessness, as you are constantly assisting and serving others. It was essential for me to understand who I was as an individual before my ‘me time’ became ‘our time’. And you know what? I am still an awesome date. So, my dear sisters, take it from someone who waited and is now weighing in. Don’t forget to LIVE in the waiting!
-Graciously,
Mrs. Nwaehi
Barbara Youyoute Nwaehi is a Christian Brooklyn native born of immigrant parents, wife and mother of two. Active resident member of Junior League of Brooklyn. Member of Nation Association of Professional Women. A Hunter College Alumni. She has a Master Degree from Bellevue University. Currently the COO of a national non profit sited in NYC .