Healing Broken Pieces
Have you ever looked at yourself in a broken mirror? No matter where you look, the fractured shards of glass reveal a reflection that is not whole, but is equally broken.
My life for several years has been a reflection of broken glass, but instead of trying to become whole again, I continually invested the shattered pieces of myself in unhealthy relationships. Searching for a husband, while knowing full well I wasn't wife material, I began to flounder in my walk with God. I never felt like I was enough, yet I continued to believe that intimacy equated sex and sex equated a "relationship", even though my relationships turned out disastrous.
I have heard it said many times that you attract where you are. The only people that will pick up on the radio frequencies you broadcast are the people tuned into your station. If a good man picks up on a frequency that doesn't interest him, click. He searches for a station more suited to his taste. However, it's easy to point the finger at others than to take responsibility for the brokenness that you bring into relationships. When we're broken, how we see others-specifically men- is just as distorted as the mirror in which we view ourselves.
Earlier last year I had a blinding experience that reminded me of Saul of Tarsus. There's a story in the Bible of how Saul had an encounter with God through a light so bright that it left him blind. Instead of receiving healing right away, he was given instructions of where to go in Damascus. During that time Saul could not see, nor did he eat or drink. But he waited and prayed.
Ananias, a disciple of Christ, was instructed by God to visit Saul and when Ananias touched Saul he regained his sight. That experience changed the course of Saul's life, and he ultimately became a champion for Christ (you can read Saul's full story in Acts 9). Sometimes God Brings us to a place where we have nowhere to go and have no other choice but to submit to His power and authority.
“...and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.”
In a similar fashion, when God restored my sight last year, I came face to face with what I could not see in my broken state. I had been searching for completion in men, but that was something that could only come from Christ. Through prayer and fasting God began to peal the scales from my spiritual eyes. I returned to my first love of writing and began journaling this transformation.
Instead of searching for fulfillment in others, I spilled my heart and sou to God. Getting intimate with Him, I exposed all my secrets, insecurities, mistakes, and past hurts that I couldn't share with anyone else. I connected to God and got real about my internal issues, and in turn, He showed me deep wounds that had left scabs over my mind and heart. But most importantly, I got to see God's love for me as He drew me to Himself, allowing me to redevelop a "bond" with Him and break the unhealthy "soul-ties" I had been carrying for so long. Yup, exes were deleted from my Facebook friend list. I began to forgive those who had wronged me, and I even moved towards building a relationship with my biological father. I became whole.
Spending quality time with God through devotions, prayer and journaling opened me up to God's purpose in my life. It was through my alone time with Him that He told me what to do next: Document it and tell it.
Now, this idea seemed crazy to me at first, because I'm still growing. I mean, it's not like I've made it over to the other side and now have everything I am waiting for. I'm still waiting for my husband, financial breakthroughs, and for my dreams to become a reality. Who in the world would be interested in taking this journey with me? Why would I want to open myself up to people and share this season in my life?
God's response: Document it and tell it.
Since then the floodgates have opened up. I'm still not on the "other-side" of waiting, but I am now "pregnant" with possibilities. It was in the summer of this year (2015) that Waiting in Heels was birthed. I'm not the same person I used to be. I had to take the bold step of becoming whole in order to become the woman and ultimately wife that Christ has called me to be.
Ladies, during this season of singleness, take the time to really go deep into those "broken" areas of your life. Your pain is not unique to you alone; there are many of us who have been abandoned, neglected, unloved and rejected by those closest to us or sexually and/or physically abused. The vision that God had for my life required a change that only my devotion to Him could bring about, and for me that manifested through journaling and prayer. I believe there's nothing wrong with seeing a counselor, because I have utilized Christian counselors in the past myself, but it's imperative that if we are to be the very best that God has called us to be and if our marriage is going to reflect Christ's love for the church, then we must embark on the process of being whole, today. You can not be intentional about your wait and stay broken at the same time. Allow God to do the work required in your life to break the unhealthy soul-ties and destructive mind tricks Satan has used to keep you from moving forward into your best possible life.
This is truly the best season for your to be in, because you get to focus on becoming a better you! Focus on cultivating your gifts or completing some of your bucket list items. Work on building healthy relationships with people of the opposite sex and spend some quality "girl" time with friends while being intentional about pouring into the lives of others. Use this time to become physically, spiritually and financially healthy. Basically, just spend time living!
I have learned so much this last year, and I am excited about sharing what God has done and about the opportunity to take you on this journey with me. As with all of my blogs, I will leave you with a writing/journal activity to do on your own time. Journaling was very therapeutic for me, and a lot of the questions I post here will be the same areas that I had to let God take over in my life. There's also recommendations (not endorsements) for books that I've read that have helped me during this season of becoming whole.
Stay blessed & fabulous
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
List 5 "broken" areas of your life that need healing?
What steps have you taken or will you take to allow Christ to make those broken areas whole and complete in Him?
The Lord's prayer ask us to forgive those that have done wrong against us just like Christ forgives us of our wrong doings. Who are the people in your life that you need to forgive? Why is it important that you forgive, even if you don't want to?
Recommendations:
Books:
"The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas
"The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?" by Rick Warren
Devotional:
"The Open Window" by Catherine Galasso-Vigorito