Who Are You?
People show you who they are every day. Well, at least they show you who they want you to see. They show you their mask that portrays whatever character they want to be or whatever game they want to play. One might say that I'm a pro at spotting a good game. I'm a New Yorker. Game spotting is part of my DNA (smile).
But when you're trying to determine if you've found that special someone, how do you know what's real and what's not? If you've ever been attracted to or infatuated with someone, you know very well how unreliable your judgment can be. Those rose-colored lenses do not do us any favors, that's for sure! We all know stories about women who have made bad decisions while in the midst of this phase, and maybe some of those stories are even our own, so how do we protect ourselves from making the same mistake?
Simple...time, discernment & purpose.
“My child, don’t loose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them.”
If you want to know if that person is the right one for you, take your time. Time is necessary because it reveals the heart of a person, ultimately putting their character on display. We often rush into relationships, ignoring the telltale signs, all in hope of snagging a ring; not realizing that the person we first met was merely a representation of a person we have yet to truly meet. Slow down. It takes time for people, including yourself, to let their guard down-even some married people don't know who they're married to until years into their union. That biological clock that you're so worried about needs to understand that we serve a God that is the creator of time. If it is in His will, it will come to pass.
Discernment is a special gift. Many call it a gut feeling or sixth sense, but true discernment for those in the body of Christ is the ability to spiritually see, hear and sense what is truly happening in front of our eyes even if it's not readily visible. I've dated men and known deep within my very being that I needed to run for the hills. You know that feeling sisters. You know he's Mr. Wrong, but because you've invested so much time in the relationship, you might as well stay. There's a name for that, and it's called settling. Discernment gives you the opportunity to trust God completely while letting Him lead you to or away from situations, people and things.
In 2015 I embarked on a journey with God that completely transformed the way I saw myself. God challenged me with a simple question... "Who are you?" He wasn't looking for the Danisha bio that people get when they first meet me, but He was asking, "Are you the woman who is supposed to be a reflection of me? Do you know who you are in me?" Absolutely not, I thought to myself. I had an idea of who I was independent of Him, but I didn't know who He was calling me to be. I didn't know my purpose then.
How can I attract God's best if I didn't even know why I was created?
I now know my purpose, but can you answer that question yourself? If you don't know who you are in Christ, it's probably safe to say that you don't know your purpose either. But how can you be found by your compliment if you don't even have a grasp on what he is supposed to be a complement to?
I believe that 90% of being found has everything to do with you knowing who you are as a woman: your likes and dislikes, what excites you about life and what turns you off. As you go through this process, you will undoubtedly discover some flaws, but allow God to clean house in the crevices of those places that need transformation so that you can become the woman He created you to be, a bride without spot or wrinkle. Then, when you know exactly who you are and what your purpose is in life, it makes it harder to fall for cheap imitations, which will surely come (we'll talk more on that in another blog post).
But most importantly, when you know who you are and you stay close to Christ, He will reveal things to you that may cause some temporary pain but in the end will save you a lifetime of heartache. I've never list while doing it God's way, even in dating. When I based my decision off of Him instead of my flesh, my biological clock or my hopes, I was able to see clearly, learn my lesson (if there was one to be learned) and walk away unscathed.
It's hard. I mean, let's be real. It's winter, and people typically want to spend these cold days with someone. Spring is coming and then summer with all the weddings, marriage proposals and baby pictures. I'm not immune to my desire for a mate, but I am excited about knowing my purpose, living in God's will for my life and seeing new doors begin to open. I want to be found living in the knowledge of why I was made. There's nothing more appealing than living a life of purpose and becoming seasoned in our walk with God. The right one will recognize you are exactly what he's been praying for at the right time, when God says you both are ready.
At the end of every blog post, I will leave you with some questions to answer in your journal during your alone time and offer some book recommendations, not endorsements, which have helped me in the past. Make 2016 about being intentional not about finding your mate, but about living a purpose filled life!
Stay blessed & fabulous
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
Who are you? What does a person discover when they get to know the real you?
Romans 12:2 calls us to be transformed by changing how we think. How have you changed and grown within that last year? What areas of your life are still a work in progress?
What are some of your goals for 2016? How will time, discernment and purpose bring you closer to accomplishing those goals?
Recommendations:
Books:
"True Love Dates" by Debra K. Fileta
"Disciplines of a Godly Woman" by Barbara Hughes