40 & Fabulous in Heels: Lessons I Have Learned
OMG, it’s my birthday!!!! I am officially a member of the 40’s club, and I’m loving it.
Over lunch the other day, a friend asked me what about turning 40 am I most grateful about, to which I simply replied, “Being comfortable in my own skin and in my relationship with God.” I know who I am, but it really wasn’t a magical number that brought me to that realization. The more you grow with God and in your purpose, the more confident you become in what God has ordained you to do. So I share this special birthday blog with you to celebrate the wisdom that comes as we age and what I’ve learned about myself along the way.
Wisdom in Aging
Modern society often teaches us that when we turn 18, the world is our oyster, but once we hit our 40’s and 50’s, we are considered to be over the hill or no longer useful. Sometimes the pressures of society can be enough to make older women question their purpose.
But God looks at age differently:
“A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:31)
"…age should speak, and increased years should teach wisdom. (Job 32:7)
“So teach us to number our days that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12).
Aside from the unique purposes God has placed in our hearts (which never expire or deteriorate), we actually gain even more purpose as we age. Titus teaches us that older or more mature women are to teach and guide the younger ones concerning marriage and how to grow in character.
In our season of singleness it’s easy to look at our age as a curse or as sands passing through an hourglass. It’s easy to get discouraged when you’ve passed your thirties without having snagged the husband, 2.5 kids, and the dog. The devil wants nothing more than for you to perceive this season as one of lack instead of recognizing God’s abundance in your life. You may not have everything that you desire in your hands today, but we serve a God who knows the desires of our hearts and can turn any situation around for our good.
But will you trust Him?
Is your desire for marriage more important than your desire to serve God and walk in your purpose? Wisdom produces patience. Our grandparents understood how to tarry before God and wait on Him. Are you waiting on God or are you planning and scheming ways to manipulate your current situation for your benefit? Abraham and Sarah had the son that God had promised them, however, because they had manipulated the situation in their impatience, we still experience the ripple effects of their decision to this very day (Genesis 16).
Do we trust God enough to say, “Not my will, but your will be done”? Age alone will not produce wisdom, but a relationship with God that is grounded in prayer and obedience will produce the kind of character that God needs in order to advance His kingdom purpose in our lives.
So in that wise, I look at my 40th year of life with anticipation. Part of that anticipation involves a good measure of self-reflection, which has led me to generate a list of 40 important lessons I have learned about myself over the years that I’d like to share with you.
40 Lessons I’ve Learned About Myself
40. I’m not what I used to be. God has definitely transformed my life. I may still be a work in progress, but the key word is progress.
39. I don’t like sushi. Period.
38. Comparison is a waste of time.
37. I struggle with trap music. Don’t judge me.
36. I am old school. It’s not like I need 100% pomp and circumstance, but respect is very important to me.
35. Life is not that complicated. It’s called excuses, and I don’t like them.
34. Being a teacher is everything to me.
33. I only like my eggs as an omelet or scrambled.
32. Forgiving my dad was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But I am better for it.
31. When I think God is quiet, it may mean that I am distracted to the point where He is no longer competing for my attention.
30. 10:30pm is my cut-off time. My ability to pull all-nighters stopped at age 35.
29. Kayaking is not for everybody. Lesson learned!
28. “I is kind, I is smart, I is important” (all in that order).
27. I need alone time to decompress. It’s the introvert in me.
26. I’ve never regretted waiting.
25. Journaling is my lifeline.
24. I am ENOUGH.
23. Indecisive people scare me.
22. My anxiety levels have a direct correlation to my prayer life. #realtalk
21. I don’t like crowds.
20. I used to be very black & white. I’m learning to accept the gray areas in life.
19. Praying and listening for direction are essential. We all pray, but we don’t always listen for the answer.
18. Mental health days are necessary.
17. Saying no is a skill set I do not struggle with.
16. Hustling is not a trait I possess.
15. How you start something will determine how it ends.
14. Not everyone that smiles at you is your husband.
13. People’s true intentions will always reveal themselves… give it time!
12. The ability to laugh at myself is necessary.
11. Not getting married in my twenties was one of the best decisions I ever made.
10. I despise the smell of coffee (long story).
9. I often have to stay quiet before I respond. Trust me, it’s better that way.
8. I’m not perfect.
7. I appreciate the spirit of discernment more and more these days.
6. Something about seeing the sun come up in the morning makes me extremely happy.
5. There are varying degrees of friendship.
4. I love to travel and would like to live in Ghana for a year.
3. I secretly want to marry a chef, considering I don’t like to cook (though I know how).
2. Trust means everything to me.
1. I love being me. And one day, someone special will love me too!
Your Turn!
Who are you? Many of us are waiting for a spouse to discover how wonderful we are, but we don’t even know who we are ourselves! Part of being found is knowing who you are. Our conversations as we enter a courtship should be centered around a little bit more than how much we make or what kind of car he drives.
I challenge you to create your own list, numbered according to your age, that lists lessons you’ve learned about yourself up to this point. My #33 dealt with learning what type of eggs I liked. In the movie Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts’ character didn’t know which type of eggs to order for herself. What she liked changed with every guy she was with. It seems trivial, but that was me at one point, and it may describe some of you. Sometimes we bend and conform to make a relationship work, not giving much thought to whether or not it’s what God wants. All we care about is not rocking the boat so we can get the ring, because time is running out and we may never get this opportunity again. That’s not the way to go, friends. Putting God in a box is always a recipe for disaster.
This is the time to stretch yourself and go a little deeper into who you are and what’s important to you. What gets you up in the morning? What are you most proud of? What can you absolutely not live without? What makes you tick? As we age, there should be a level of maturity and personal development that we can see over the years. Wisdom does not come with age alone but with the lessons we have mastered.
I am now officially a part of the BIG 4-0 club. I am not married and have no children (don’t cry for me though, lol). I am blessed and highly favored. I have been delivered from personal demons of the past, and I am finally walking in purpose. I would rather be found walking in purpose in my 40’s than the hot mess I was in my 20’s and early 30’s. Do I still desire marriage and family? Of course! But today is about so much more than being someone’s wife. Today, my birthday, is about finally coming into who I am as woman, a Christian, an author, a friend, a teacher, and a daughter. It’s about me proudly Waiting in Heels and being whole and complete in Christ! Happy 40th to me!!!
I leave you, as always, with a few journal activities to help you go a little deeper into who you are and the lessons you’ve learned along the way. My book recommendation is from someone I had the pleasure of meeting when I attended the 2016 Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta this July. Of course this is not an endorsement of the book, but I pray it adds direction to your life as you continue to find or walk in your purpose.
Stay blessed and fabulous!
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
Did you write your top lessons learned? If not, take a moment to complete a list of what you have learned about yourself during these past years of your life.
Do you view aging as a curse or a blessing? Why?
Wisdom comes with age. In what ways have you proven this statement to be true?
Recommendations:
Books:
"The Purpose Room" by Heather Lindsey
Devotional:
"The Confident Woman: 365 Daily Inspirations" by Joyce Meyer