Dismantling the Perfectionist Syndrome
Can I be honest with you?
I sometimes suffer from what I like to call the "perfectionist syndrome." The symptoms usually consist of being so focused on my own limitations that I can't see how God has already equipped me for the work He's called me to do, becoming so inundated with details that I get stuck in the process, and feeling physically and emotionally drained from operating off of my own strength.
Have you seen any of those symptoms in your own life? Do you find yourself wanting to move forward but won’t allow yourself to do so unless everything comes together first? Sometimes the coming together of a thing can only happen when your first step is to simply trust God to provide the resources and support you need along the way.
If you need encouragement in this area, read on…
Defining the Perfectionist Syndrome
The perfectionist syndrome occurs when you place so much faith in your own abilities or inabilities that you choose to go your own way instead of following God’s lead. It can also be described as the need to stay in neutral until everything is “perfect.” You know how it goes. You have to wait until you get that perfect job in order to move forward with life, or you have to wait until you have that perfect relationship before you can feel beautiful or worthy of someone’s love, or you have to constantly keep up with the Joneses in order to appear like you have it all together.
But what I love about God is that He doesn’t wait for us to be perfect before He desires to commune with us. He sees us in spite of our flaws, and He knows exactly where to place us and who to place us with. He has used prostitutes, widows, and even murderers to bring about change that has affected the very course of history, so what makes you think that He can’t use you?
Below, I have outlined four areas of spiritual growth that typically suffer when we choose perfectionism over obedience to God:
1) Humility
No one likes to be in the company of a "big-headed" person or someone who talks about their achievements around the clock. There's nothing wrong with being confident, but being conceited can be a turn-off to those around you. To effectively do the work God is calling you to do, it is imperative that you have a humble heart. When we adopt an attitude of humility, we naturally seek God first. The perfectionist syndrome robs us of that ability because it tends to magnify our inadequacies and drive us to overcompensate in the areas we lack. Or we can do the opposite and remain hostage to fear.
Whether we overcompensate or stay stuck, we lose sight of the One who has the true power to bring about real change; the One who can turn our lack into abundance. When we have a humble heart, we take on a servant attitude. This is when God can use us for His glory. Even when Moses had been chosen to deliver God’s people from slavery, he felt that his speech impairment made him an inadequate spokesperson for God, but God used him to free the people of Israel. The moment you move away from focusing on yourself and who you are will be the moment you begin to deepen your relationship with a God who loves you and has a perfect plan for your life.
2) Faith
Have you ever watched the process of a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly? It really is an incredible sight. What’s most incredible is that these little insects spin their cocoons and then sit and wait in those dark and tight vessels for something, anything to happen. Likewise, when we feel “stuck”, we must rely on our faith to believe that God will bring about the transformation or change we need and at just the right time.
Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Faith requires movement. We cannot stay in neutral and say we have faith, nor can we sit and wait for the right time and opportunity. God will stretch and grow you in the areas where you lack, but it takes faith and movement in order to experience a true metamorphosis in Christ. You want to break free from the perfectionist syndrome? Then move according to Gods’ will. If you don’t know God’s will for your life, seek Him diligently in prayer. Actively seek Him, and He will not only reveal himself to you, but He will also use your faith in action to bring about change in the lives of those that are waiting for you and your gift.
3) Your Knowledge of God
While watching a live Facebook teaching session this week by Dr. Juanita Bynum, I was stunned by her interpretation of a simple scripture that I’ve read many times: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). The “be still” part could be a blog post all by itself, but the “and know” portion of that verse is what really changed my perspective. To know someone or something means that you are intimately familiar with them.
When God initially called Moses, He described Himself as the “God of his father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob” (Exodus 3:6). By doing so, He established a long line of a solid relationships between Himself and Moses’ lineage. He was no stranger to Moses and his people. You have also tasted and seen that He is good. You can look back over the course of your life and pinpoint God’s grace, goodness, blessings and breakthroughs.
Your knowledge of God is important because it gives you the faith to move. Let me say it this way, when you are confident in whom you know, you can boldly move into your assignment because you know all things will work out for your good. God will equip you for your specific task. He will bring the right people into your life, open closed doors, and make provisions when things look bleak. If God gave you an assignment, know this: He is faithful to see you through it even when you feel inadequate. It is in our weakness that His strength is manifested in our life when we move out and stand on what we know about Him.
4) Trust in God
“Will you let go? (I’ll trust you, Lord)
Will you stand on My word? (I’ll trust you, Lord)
Against all odds will you believe what I have said?
(I’ll trust You, Lord)
What seems impossible ... (I’ll trust You, Lord)
Will you believe? (I’ll trust You, Lord)
Every promise that I made will you receive?
(Yes, I will trust You, Lord)”
The lyrics above are what I use to minister to myself when doubt sets in and I feel discouraged. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that God does not move according to our time-table. There will be things He calls us to do that look impossible. Maybe we’re financially broke or we do not have the education or appropriate “hook-ups” to make it work. Perfectionist Syndrome in this instance causes us to lose hope in a God that is able to do the impossible.
Trust in God is a key step in dismantling the perfectionist syndrome, because if I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13), I no longer focus on where I lack, but I use what I currently have to fulfill my purpose, trusting that God will open the doors that only He can. The more you step out in faith and move, the more God will give you what you need for your assignment. If you never move, you will never receive.
“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!”
Personal Relationships
Why is all of this important? Because people are waiting for your gifts to bring about the change that is needed in their life. One of the biggest problems with the perfectionist syndrome is that it puts the spotlight on you, but this life isn’t about you, friend! Let me say it this way… Any purpose that God has given us on this earth is not for our own benefit, but so that others will know that our God is real and that He loves us.
To make it more personal, for those that are waiting for a spouse, you need to get into position during your single season so that you can mature into the kind of wife your husband will need. Getting into position means knowing who you are and what your purpose is by staying in constant communion with God. No matter how perfectly we try to fit our lives together, His plan; His ways are always best. We just have to yield ourselves to His will. You cannot walk by what you see, so during this pruning season allow God to strengthen your spiritual lens. Your knowledge of God will be essential to your marriage especially in seasons of “lack,” when it’s easier to lose faith than to be still and KNOW that He is God!
Moving Forward
The month of July was originally supposed to be my time off from writing to restructure some things and spend some quality time with God, so this particular post took me by surprise. But I do believe this post is meant not only for me, but for you as well. God’s ways are definitely not our ways, and sometimes He needs to use our mess to help minister to others. Don’t allow Satan’s mind trick devices to paralyze you into being inoperable. Instead of looking at what you lack, believe in what you have: a God that saw you in the beginning of time and graced you to fulfill your purpose.
As always, I’ve included some journal activities you can do in your own personal time. These activities should help you dive a little deeper into the areas in your life that still need thoughtful consideration and work. The books below are recommendations (not endorsements).
Stay blessed and fabulous!
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
Part of my definition for perfectionist syndrome dealt with focusing on what we lack. What has God called you to do that you haven't done because of your distorted focus?
I talked about how Dr. Juanita Bynum's teaching on "knowing" God totally changed my perspective. How have your trials and blessings caused you to really know God? What areas are still a struggle for you in knowing and trusting God with your calling?
How can dismantling the perfectionist syndrome help you in your future marriage?
Are you guilty of having the perfectionist syndrome? What ways have you become "un-stuck" and moved into your purpose? If you haven't become un-stuck yet, how can you use one of the four areas: humility, faith, knowledge of God, and trust, to move forward with your assignment?
Recommendations:
Books:
"A Single's Woman's Focus: Every Ruth needs a Naomi" by Carla Cannon
"In Pursuit of Purpose" by Dr. Myles Munroe
Scripture:
Exodus 3 (the story of Moses and his fight with his purpose)