Becoming a woman of FAVOR
Throughout the course of this blog, I have shared a lot about the lessons I have learned during my season of singleness. This might tempt you to believe that I have it all together, but I still have my struggles like anyone else. I still struggle with loneliness, self-doubt and focusing on my time table over God’s. This always happens when I take my eyes off of Him to focus on what I think I lack.
However, Scripture tells us that our gift will make room for us (Proverbs 18:16). God has given us His grace, anointing, and favor to help us carry out our life’s mission. But do we really believe this?
Questions to consider
Sisters, let’s do a check-in. At this point in our journey, we should have addressed the areas in our lives where we needed God to heal and transform us. We also should have discovered our purpose or at least gotten closer to understanding our reason for being on earth. At this point we should be committed to walk in purity, forgiveness and in constant relationship with God.
Now, here’s the hard part. If God were to bless you with “the one” right now, in this very moment, would you be a blessing or a hindrance to your prince? Do you already look like a wife? Are you working as you wait or are you being unproductive? Are you still blaming others for your mistakes or are you learning the lessons God wants to teach you? Are you making changes in your life so that God’s transformative power can shine through? Are you lukewarm or do you actively use your prayer closet, desk or sacred space to continually commune with God? And if you happen to take your attention off of God, do you allow the devil to whisper words of derailment in your ear, or are you able to repent, repeat God’s promises back to Him and earnestly seek His will for your life?
The pain of pruning
I never knew how heavy spiritual attacks could be until I decided to live my life God’s way and walk in His purpose. Never.
There was a time that I knew God, but I wasn’t walking with Him. That’s what we call being lukewarm. It seemed when I was lukewarm that I was protected from attacks (or so I thought). If I encountered a problem, I depended on my own strength and reasoning to get me through. But in reality I had only acquired more baggage and spiritual soul ties that were sabotaging my future.
The moment I decided to surrender to God and allow Him to take me through the pruning process, my life changed… for the better. The season of pruning can be painful as it exposes your internal mess and breaks cycles and dysfunction, but it also comes with healing properties that make you whole and complete in Christ.
“Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner… So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it”
For this reason it is important for me to stay grounded in God’s Word and to talk with Him daily. However, as I’m growing in Christ, there’s also a part of me that should be growing into the person that I desire to be: a wife.
Becoming a wife before marriage
Prior to last year’s season of Lent, I spent a lot of time reading through various books of the Old Testament. God particularly had me read the book of Proverbs. The one verse that stood out among many was Proverbs 18:22:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.”
Many women get excited over the part about the man “finding” them, but there are two key words here that caught my attention: wife & favor. The embodiment of a wife is not something we become once we say “I do,” but it’s something we strive to become during our season of singleness.
Though I believed I was in a good place when I was in my lukewarm state because the enemy wasn’t really attacking me, the truth is that we know we are doing God’s will when the enemy’s attacks are more deliberate or come at a faster pace. Could it be that the very reason you are experiencing one spiritual attack after another is because the devil knows how powerful you will be once you walk in your purpose?
It took me a while to understand that I am more valuable to Satan’s agenda when I am living under sanctification and grace. The challenge of getting us to fall becomes so much sweeter to him, since he would love nothing more than to prove God wrong. We saw this very challenge play out in the story of God’s faithful servant Job.
Don’t focus on the challenges and the set backs, but press on to understand how powerful your life will be for God’s kingdom when your purpose mate finds you… not because he completes you, but because if you’re able to put 1,000 enemies to flight on your own, when you stand together, 10,000 will fall!
Walking in favor
Most women don’t even realize the power they have because in the face of desperation, they’ve settled for less. In essence, we have misused this powerful gift of God, giving it away freely to those who are unworthy of it. A woman’s power has nothing to do with the liberation movement; the power of a woman lies in her divine relationship with God, and because of her ingenuity in Christ, she is a blessing to her household.
People often like to focus on the relationship of Ruth and Boaz as they seek the Scriptures for encouragement regarding singleness, yet I’m amazed at how many women gloss over what Ruth was doing before Boaz showed up. Ruth was actually pretty interesting in and of herself before she ever met Boaz.
Two key things that stand out to me about Ruth are that she was a servant in her relationship with Naomi, and she was working. Rebekah was also working before she met Isaac. Before these women became Proverbs 31 wives, they were living a life of purpose, which ultimately drew them to their mate. When I was doing research on the scripture “he who finds a wife,” I learned that it doesn’t mean that the man is actually searching, but it’s more like he stumbles across, is led to, or discovers her because they are both walking in purpose.
God never called us to live in a constant rotation of going to work, school, church, and back home, only to repeat this cycle on a daily basis. Instead, we should be actively working on God’s purpose for our lives; a purpose that lifts us out of that repetitive cycle and thrusts us into avenues that allow us to mature spiritually, showcase our God-given talents, establish godly relationships, and ultimately lead us to the person that will complement and enhance our destiny in Christ. And because of our obedience to Christ, God allows us to bring our husbands favor.
“FAVOR: ‘Finding favor means gaining approval, acceptance, or special benefits or blessings. There is also a close association among favor, grace, and mercy, which are sometimes used to translate the same Greek word (such as charis). The favor that human beings receive from God depends on his good pleasure and is often extended in response to prayer or righteous living.’”
We all struggle and fall short, but the personal struggles I’ve shared with you are not the total sum of my relationship with God. I am human and still growing, but I know that I cannot allow the enemy to continually distract me from what God has called me to do. It is certain that there will be challenges in this walk; Jesus faced many challenges during his three years in ministry.
However, we know that all things work together for our good; we know that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world; we know that we are pressed on every side but not destroyed; we know that if God is for us, who can be against us?
Becoming a wife and a woman of favor takes time and molding. It takes reading God’s Word and spending quality time with Him. Choosing this lifestyle may mean you face a period of loneliness (you can’t take everyone with you). But it helps to remember that sometimes God has to separate you from that which stunts your growth in order for you to develop the life of favor you are destined to bring to your future spouse.
The gift of time
Spend your time wisely. We will never get this season back. This time is sacred. We are growing spiritually, developing business acumen, experimenting on recipes we want to master, traveling, becoming financially healthy and physically fit. We have the freedom to become whatever our talents are calling us to be in Christ. Spend this time cultivating God’s peace in your home. Get to work! Stop daydreaming constantly about your wedding day, and start living like the wife and child of God you are destined to be. Waiting on God has nothing to do with inactivity, but everything to do with progression and purpose.
As always, I leave you with journal activities you can do in your own personal time. These activities should help you dive a little deeper into the areas in your life that still need thoughtful consideration and work. The books below are recommendations (not endorsements). They have helped me, and I pray they help you in your faith walk. Daughters of the King is a recent devotional I read every day via my phone or online, and it's a great way to start your mornings.
Stay blessed & fabulous
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
What are some changes you can make in your life before marriage that can help mold you into the wife your future spouse needs you to be?
Are you working while you wait or are you simply waiting to be found? What are you working on?
What is your daily cycle? Are you rotating between work, home, and church? What steps can you take this week to allow God's purpose to disrupt that cycle and push you out into meeting like-minded and purpose-driven people?
Recommendations:
Books:
"The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas
"Waiting and dating" by Myles Munroe
Scripture:
Genesis 24: (the love story of Isaac and Rebekah)