Relax, Relate, Release!
A different world
When I was growing up, one of my favorite television shows was A Different World. That show was my first introduction into all the twists and turns that can happen as one transitions from being a teenager into an adult within a campus setting. Of course it included all the gossip, boy/girl crushes and major decisions, like whether or not to go Greek. All of this and more kept me intrigued and dreaming of the adventures I would face when it was my turn to go away to school.
Several episodes into the show, we see the inner turmoil of Whitley as she works through her feelings for Julian – a childhood friend that she had always believed she was destined to marry – and a budding love she feels for Dwayne, a guy who had not been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and who was actually very awkward when it came to women.
In one particular episode she goes to see a therapist. The advice the therapist gives her, which has continued to be a mantra for many today, is to “relax, relate, and release”! The therapist, played by Debbie Allen, makes it very clear to Whitley that she cannot move forward in life if she continues to hold onto the past.
photo: adifferentworld
Relax and enjoy life
There are many questions, petitions, and prayers that each of us are still waiting on God to answer, but that does not mean that while we wait we cannot enjoy life and make the most of this season of singleness.
It’s easy to get preoccupied with what you don’t have and to stress over what you think might make you happy, but the quickest way to a short, miserable life is to allow your life to be filled with stress, worry, bitterness, ungratefulness and un-forgiveness. You may not have the spouse, but you do have a covenant relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. You might not have had the wedding at the age you thought you would, but you are blessed with more time to become the woman that God always knew you would become. You may not have the picket fence with the 2.3 kids and a dog, but you’re walking in purpose and destiny.
“I said to myself, “Relax and rest. GOD has showered you with blessings”
Let God fill those voids while you learn how to rest in His timing. God promised us abundant life, but that can only happen when we focus on Him with a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving. Stop stressing over how things look right now. We serve a God that can turn things around for our good at any moment. Chill, relax, and enjoy life. Even God rested on the 7th day.
How do you relax? If you could pick up and go anywhere for vacation, where would you go? How do you create a space for “me time” to rejuvenate the mind, body and spirit?
Relate and be present
There’s nothing worse than going on a date with someone and having to listen to that person talk about their past relationships; like every other sentence is about their ex. You may probably start to wonder if they are still too hung up on their past to have given any thought to the here and now with you.
Everything you do sends a message. Your tone, demeanor, how you walk, and your overall upkeep sends nonverbal cues to others that can impact their perception of you. One of the areas God challenged me on last year was how relatable I was to people.
Ask yourself: Do people feel happy after meeting me or am I the Debbie Downer of the party?
Smile. My biggest struggle with being relatable was that I struggled with smiling (I'm actually laughing at myself now). New Yorkers never smile! However, if I truly let go of my baggage and reflect on God's blessings in my life, I cannot help but to smile. Part of moving forward is living in the here and now. People are typically unavailable emotionally because they struggle with releasing areas of their past that keep them from being able to relate to life now.
Whitley’s character was stuck in the past, and it caused her a load of unnecessary stress. In order to fully walk into her destiny, she had to relax, relate and be present. That means she had to open her eyes and see what was in front of her. Similarly for us, God wants us to unwrap the little presents that He’s set right in front of us, but we’ll miss out on His gifts if we are out of touch with His voice and direction. He will keep us in perfect peace, but that requires our mind to be stayed on Him as we trust the future plans he has for us.
“Be generous with me, and I’ll live a full life; not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road. Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders”
God cannot reveal new things to you if your vision is clouded by your past. If you have been following my posts, then you’ve already done the work mentioned in both Who Are You and Bag Lady. I challenge you to allow God to blow your mind by taking the time to live in the here and now.
Release into your God-purposed destiny
Part of the art of relaxing is releasing. If you’ve ever taken a dance or fitness class, you know how essential breathing is to preparing your body for the cardio or stretching you’re about to engage in. The instructor will usually begin the warm up or end the cool down with a few deep breaths. In order to relax your muscles, you have to breathe in peace and breathe out stress.
This was Whitley’s final lesson, and my own, in many ways. There are things happening in our lives that we cannot change. There are painful experiences we have endured that we did nothing to deserve. There are even circumstances that have left us bruised and nearly broken beyond recognition.
And yet Paul says in Romans 8:28 that all things work for our good. We may not be able to see it while we go through it, but there is ministry in our pain, and though weeping may endure for a night, joy will come in the morning. Our testimony becomes our ministry as we share our deliverance with others.
“All things are working for my good, cause
He’s Intentional;
never failing…
I don’t have to worry cause
it’s working for me,
it’s working for me,
and I believe it’s working for me.”
Relax, relate and release, sisters. Your life is not over, not by a long shot. Watching this same episode now as an adult, I get it. Back in the day it was just a mantra with funny theatrics by actors Jasmine Guy and Debbie Allen, but there was truth in that lesson, and it’s that healing comes by moving forward, even as we wait.
Vacation, anyone?
A very good piece of advice that I have heard given to singles is to travel. This season is the best time to visit other countries without having to make plans around someone else’s schedule. If you want to up and go, do it now. Even if you’re a single parent, I’m sure there’s no place a child would rather be than Disney. Go! Or simply take some much needed “me time” and plan a spa date.
One of my personal goals this year was to travel more. I have not traveled outside of the United States for a little over eight years, so this is long overdue, but in exactly one week from today, I’m going to be soaking up the sun, enjoying music and dance, and fellowshipping with people in the country of Haiti. Nothing excites me more than to find moments when I can get away and fully enjoy life, knowing that everything is going to be more than okay, because I serve a God that is not surprised by life, but is the author of it.
When I decided to declare this my travel year, I had no idea I would be going to Haiti for a week, a trip to DC with some of my students in May, and a Christian singles conference in Atlanta in July. God took my ‘yes’ and blessed me with the best. Make time for what matters most and continue onward, leaving the past behind. I’m excited about 2016 and where God is going to take many of us! Be prepared. You never know what blessings will come once you let go.
As always, I leave you with journal activities for deeper reflection as well as book recommendations (not endorsements). Be blessed, and look out for some of my Facebook Live videos documenting my vacation to Haiti next week.
Stay blessed & fabulous
You sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
Make a list of some of the places that you would like to visit, whether local, within the US, or abroad. My challenge to you is to make plans to visit at least one of those places before the end of 2016. We all need a vacation, so why not start making plans to make it happen?
"Relax, relate, release," was a mantra that stuck with me and encouraged me all these years. What's your personal mantra and how does it keep you focused on what really matters in life?
What baggage are you still holding onto? What steps can you take to release those things from your past in order to fully be present and enjoy what God is doing for you in the here and now?
Recommendations:
Books:
"When God Makes You Wait" by Adam Houge
Scripture:
Psalm 119 (a psalm of David about focusing on God's Word)